I might be in love... I don't...

Tiring day, thanks Janne for arranging this city council thingy for us and cool that those people made this whole tour for us and even prepared all that free food for us!!! FREE!!!

Went drinking a few beers with Ester afterwards in de Dikke van Dale.

SCARY MOVIE!

23-3-2009 13:05:06 [G]erard << kloas klaasje!
23-3-2009 13:05:14 kloas [G]erard << gerardje:P
23-3-2009 13:05:18 [G]erard << kloas wazaa
23-3-2009 13:05:28 kloas [G]erard << yo dude pick up the phone!

Just a post for some little cute girl who wanted some updates, so this one is specially for her. She knows who she is!

And special for her a song I like! YES

Last friday the weather was superb, the sun was shining and after school we could sit outside at the bar drinking beer and eating delicious but expensive (!) minisnacks... Ah, that's the good life.

The weather should get warmer and warmer from now on, can't wait for the summer!

I wrote a letter, well actually I wrote it one week ago and now I wrote it again because the other one sucked I think. Still have to send it, maybe I'll do it soon or maybe it will just float around for a while...

It was hard to get it on paper, there was so much to say but I think saying all that stuff is useless as she wouldn't care anyways. Why do I miss her? I never met her. Why did I get so attached? Was she really that special? It was something that evolved over time and yes she was damn special to me for some reason, she was just amazing if I had to describe it in one word.

All the talks we had, the laughs, the care, just everything meant so much to me for some weird reason. You could say she was someone I loved, like a really good friend and that's also what she said, that I was a good friend to her. I can sit her whining but it won't help just like the letter won't help shit, it'll only arrive in several weeks or months... needs to go to her parents first and they'll have to send it on to australia, maybe it will never get there and maybe I'll never speak with her again.

Out of all those people I lost in my life she is the one I really miss the most while she is also the one I never met and also the one that was most far away.

If there really is a God will He please help me. I really miss her.

edit: forget the last sentence, even if he was there he wouldn't help me with my stupid problems.

You can smell the alcohol in my room, I don't feel too good and probably shouldn't drink. It only makes me more emotional and makes me feel shit, I feel like I can't do anything right lately and that just everything I do goes totally wrong...

I am also thinking what the fuck am I doing on this planet?! Why do I exist? I feel useless, when I was younger I had everything, made lots of fun, did great in school without too much effort, had a superb social life but now I am not happy at all!

Sometimes I think what if I would just drop down dead suddenly, who would care?

Fucking emo post, isn't it? aargh, pouring myself some more alcohol...

I can't type frisian ;p

Leroy zegt:
en alsie niet zupt dan knutselt ie aan zijn brommer
Th€o zegt:
wat dat betreft; denk dat er meer in oosterwolde of harlingen zitten
Leroy zegt:
of aan zijn gammele atootje
[G]erard << zegt:
hehe
[G]erard << zegt:
mar dot is toch mooi! bietsje mei het brommertsje klooien
Leroy zegt:
haha
Th€o zegt:
wat mot matijn eigenlijk in dit gesprek, zegt nix
[G]erard << zegt:
en don ien de jonne eem mei mien dikke nicht ien de hooiberg frunniken
Th€o zegt:
knoeien
Leroy zegt:
of oander it lân op, ô de dik, een schaapke pakken

Old times

Quoted from my friend her blog, it made me wipe tears away when reading it;

"This post is about Gerard, a great friend of me…

I am writing this to show how much I appreciate him,

I’ve known him since the day I was born,

All of my 17 years, always been like a big brother to me,

Someone who watched over me and backed me up,

It always puts a smile on my face when I think of the days,

The days that we were little kids playing in the pool in their backyard,

Or racing around on our bikes or on our skelters.

When we got older we did hang out less,

And when he moved we hardly met for real,

On msn we only spoke for about once each week at most,

Just asking how school or life was nothing special,

Two years ago we saw each other daily again on the bus,

But even there we didn’t speak much and sat apart,

I didn’t really bother about it and so did he.

About one year ago I broke up with my boyfriend,

Crying for days and the only one who really listened was Gerard,

He asked me if he should come along and so he did,

It was 10 kilometres through the storm but he did come,

For me…

I cried all night thru while he was holding me in his arms,

Trying to comfort me and it really helped me a lot.

Now I live in Canada,

A few months ago I saw him when I was home for my parents anniversary,

He told me about this Chinese girl he met online,

Telling me he would meet her once and I could tell by his eyes he was happy,

I saw this shiny twinkle in those blue lakes under his eyebrows,

Not so long ago he said stuff between him and her took a different turn,

He felt bad I could tell and when I met him again I could see it too,

No twinkle in his eyes anymore instead they look troubled,

A guy who had so many bad experiences in his life,

Lost so many people who meant something to him,

He was always strong but then one strange girl comes along,

And he crashes down to the ground and can’t get up again.

It hurts me to see him this hurt,

My big brother who was always there for other people,

When he graduated the headmaster had a special speech for him,

A problemsolver he was called and someone who cared about others,

Even about strangers he hardly knew.

His real friends can’t cheer him up,

They are all though guys who just can’t talk well about it,

But I read about Emmie and Debbie,

They seem to be some kind of a help to him,

So I want to thank them although I have no clue who they are.

And Gerard, I know you’ll read this. I want this song to be a tribute from me to you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-J98vyTG1s8&feature=related because I don’t know how I can live without having you in my life.

xxx - Janneke"

Singlish

Hey I bought some steam dvd's last thursday!

~according to discovery 'steam' means a good buy or something cheap in singlish (or an erection) ;p

Time flies

Today she'll be going to Australia, I didn't even get to wish her good luck and the christmas card I sent also never arrived so the good luck wishes on that are also useless. Talking about cards... I just found the one she once sent me when I was cleaning my room, it was really sweet what she wrote and the card I sent her was also really sweet she said back then... but what did I write on it?! I don't even remember it.

It bothers me so much, my friends ask me all the time what's wrong with me but they don't all need to know what happened and they wouldn't understand anyways. And then imagine that lots of the sweet talks came from her... but now I am the one who suffers from all of it while she just goes on happily. Maybe Leroy was right about saying that she was just a girl who makes guys go a bit crazy on the internet and then hurts them, just playing with their feelings or like he said it "vieze gore slet" = "fucking disgusting slut"

And lol, just changed the channel to discovery channel and haha... it's about Singapore and the food there, ugh getting me hungry.

Can't go to school because my foot hurts like hell and I can hardly walk with it, doctors advice!~

Working out

Had a nice and long day today with some mates, went shopping and drinking in Arnhem... got some nice dvd's and cd's and realised I almost never buy that stuff normally ;p

Also started working out today, I want to get my arms look thicker and get a six-pack or something that looks like it ^_^

Selective amnesia

How cool would that be, if you could just erase something from your brain like it never existed.

It's what a girl told me, she wanted that this was possible and to be honest, I wish the same.

NEW HAIRCUT!

You are probably like "HUH?!" - Ye, I only got my hair cut down my neck, I was getting curls...

It's a seal! *oink oink* (yea I don't know how to do a seal sound) ^_^

Muse is sooooooooooo good!

AWESOME!

Hmph, I should cut my hair... it's getting too long to handle ^_^

So many stuff to do, I have time but I am not really tempted to use that time for all the lame projects that need to be done... Guess I'll just have to suck up and go for it~

There is a small piece missing out of my fav drinking glass, so pissed that it is broken... I can still use it but it's just annoying me.

It's on the inside

Van binnen.

^_^

I owe my parents and everyone else who talked to me about it a big thanks!

Now I know what to do with it, I was chasing a dream and I have to stop chasing that dream and start living in the real world again, the world I have been neglicting for some while now.

Mistakes

Everyone makes mistakes, that's why they put erasers on pencils.

Thanks

I was feeling pretty crap today, mostly just mad and dissapointed about myself. But I need to thank two girls, for helping me out, listening and giving advice. 17 and 16 years old, younger than me but so much wiser! Debbie and Emmie (looks funny huh those names!) thanks for the advice you gave me, it means alot to me.

Weird that I got helped by two girls I don't really know, and only met them a few weeks ago. But they are a bigger help than my friends who would just say "party and forget", "Lol, don't care", "Asians? Stupid Japtard" (< racist!)

Jealous at the strength they have, do they get this from their faith in God? I wish I had such a thing, I did ask His help at times but it's so hard to believe in! but thinking we also meditated with Taekwondo to get stronger in our spirits kinda connects with the same thing or idea right? Getting strength from higher powers...

Lastly I want to thank the makers of Scrubs, for getting the quote in the previous post out of their series, it really gives me strength in this matter.

Something that should remind me not to fuck up again;

“‘Cause even if it breaks your heart to be ‘just friends’, if you really care about someone, you’ll take the hit.“

I'll be there for you A. You are a friend to me and I hope you'll always stay one...

A new blog to make a fresh start!